Raising a confident daughter

Growing now a days is hard! There is pressure from all directions for a girl to be perfect. She must wear makeup and she must be a certain size and she must fit all these unrealistic standards. All these standards lead to lack of self esteem and lack of self acceptance! What are we doing to our girls? We need to break this pattern! Just because we are already convinced of our "flaws" are, doesn't mean that we should allow that to be the case for our daughters!

"Oh I tell my daughter she's beautiful everyday!" Okay, thats great, but are you in the same breath standing in front of the mirror and saying "agh I'm so fat!" One thing we know as parents is that we must lead by example. This has been something that I myself am guilty of. Growing up I did not get so much criticism and teasing at school because my personality definitely hid my physical "flaws" but I definitely received it at home. I was seven year old with almost a B cup size chest. I was heavier than my petite little sister and everyone seemed to have something to say about it. Not my friends or even enemies but my mother, my aunts, my FAMILY. This destroyed my self esteem. Instead of being proud of my developing body I was ashamed. I hid in baggy clothes and I even began bullying other kids with hopes that it would intimidate others to not tease me. Even till this day I have a hard time looking in the mirror and looking at the beautiful! Instead I look at what my mother pointed out my entire life, "you have a flat butt...you have love handles... you shouldn't wear that, thats for a thinner person".

Do I think that my mother and family were purposely trying to destroy my self-esteem...no. Did they?  YES! I was blessed to marry someone that has helped me learn to love myself and see myself the way that God sees me and that is ... In his image! Which is beautiful, perfect and unique. I was affected by just my family's critiques imagine our girls now! They face bigger demons. The TV tells them to be sluts and that they have to show skin and degrade their bodies for attention, bullies in school that have their own insecurities pick on them and tell them everything society says their not, and here you are, the most influential person in their life, their mother either constantly putting yourself down or planting seeds of insecurity in them as well. STOP IT! Renew your mind so that you don't damage your daughter!

I already see people comparing my daughters. As many of you know my one year old and my four year old are about the same weight. I already see people comparing Kayla (the younger one) to Kylie.  "Oh she's so much bigger than Kylie was at that age" "She's so fat". I cant even believe that some people say that. My daughter is healthy, she's not overweight, she's never been sick and is very active and can do things that other thin kids can't even do at her age. I have a sister. I was always compared to my sister growing up and then once I was older she was always compared to me when it was time to point out her "flaws". Yes we are different but thats what makes us beautiful. As soon as I hear a comparison between my girls I stop it! I will not allow one of my daughters to feel less than the other or anyone else for that matter. Yes Kayla has beautiful blue eyes! Yes KYLIE has gorgeous eyes too, big beautiful "BROWN" eyes. I commit to raising girls that love themselves and embrace what others call "flaws" and make them characteristics that other people wish they had. I remember when big butts were looked at as unattractive and now thanks to those women who embraced that "flaw" if you don't have junk in YOUR trunk your whack. Thats what I want for my girls! I don't want them to follow trends, I want them to set trends.

How can you change "flaws" to trends here are some examples:

NO : "I'm so fat I need to go on a diet"
YES: " I want to eat healthier so I can have more energy" Make it a family lifestyle

NO: "I need to exercise, agh I'm so fat"
YES: "We should excise so we can be strong and fast and healthy" Play with your kids, stop being a couch potato addicted to TV shows that don't do anything but poison your minds and hearts.

NO: "I wish my hair was straight"
YES: "This is awesome I can wear my hair curly whenever I want and straight whenever I want!"

NO: "Agh my freaking boobs are so _______"
YES: Freaking cover up! Leave something to the imagination!!!!! "I love how color of this dress compliments my complexion, my eyes etc. " Stop putting so much focus on how to show off your lady parts. Focus a little more on how to love everyone and use that mind to make changes in this world that will benefit the next generation!

Our kids are innocent and have the ability to find beauty in everything! Don't take that away from them. Nourish it and help that grow!
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